I hate the idea of Utopia
So I'll close my eyes and try not to look at you

Life has been really great lately. The bittersweet of Senior year hasn't quite set in...neither has senioritis really...my schedule's so freakin easy there is no need for senioritis. lalala-
but seriously...everything has been so great lately (besides the weather-delame)
Friends are amazing and great and best one's keep being discovered...sometimes you just have to look under the rocks you've been standing on all along...and sometimes you have to journey to new locations and you find the most beautiful rocks...and sometimes...sometimes it's nice to pull out your rock collection and dust off your favorites that you've missed for too long. No matter where, who, or how...i love my rocks.

Rocks=Friends? --where do i come up with this stuff

Oh, why, why am I always so mixed up?
Tell me, why, why am I always fallin' in love?

Not only is life good right now- BUT- i'm also soo excited about the future...seriously so stoked. whitewater was less than appealing to me like 3 months ago and i was pretty bummed about it, but within the last couple months things have really turned around and now i'm so. excitied.

I have confidence in life, in the future, and i'm pulling a long the past as well. i can't wait for life to begin as i live my life.

I hate the idea of Utopia
So I'll close my eyes and try not to look at ya
But when I open them up- I can't help but fall in love <3

Currently Listening Across The Universe [Deluxe Edition] By Original Soundtrack see related

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true

 When did it become November? When did I become seventeen?

It feels like I've lived a lifetime and it feels like my life is just about to start. I feel really held back. I'm just waiting for my rocket to come and take me to when life really starts. Yet...I'm living in the meantime? So what really defines living. Freedom?...thats what it seems like these days. All I really yearn for is freedom. But what is freedom really? There's always restrictions. So I guess I long for new restrictions. I'm just really ready to get out of here.

I feel at a really weird place right now...I can't tell if I yearn for the past or future more. I mean of course I yearn for the future more...but it's like the present is fogged by memories and aspirations. However, I don't know about my aspirations. I feel like even after I get to break free in August...that I'm still going to be waiting another year for what I want. Where I want to be. However, the most important thing will happen as soon as August happens..and that is who I  want to be with...and when. It's going to be golden.

Yet...when I get to be with who I want to when I want to...I won't get to be with who I never yearned to be with cause I got to be with them whenever I wanted. conundrum. Sooo when does the cycle break?

I'm just taking the ride until I find a place that I feel I can start to steer again. When I know what I want....if that ever happens. However...in the meantime I'd like to make my own decisions...

*sigh*...August.

And then while I'm away
I'll write home everyday
And I'll send all my lovin to you

Currently Listening Give Up By The Postal Service see related

Could we start again please?

before it gets too frightening we ought to call a halt.

but i'm thinking of what sarah said...

Love is watching someone die.
so who's gonna watch you die?

Oh lets go back to the start...